A few minutes ago my friend told me to have a look at his post Choonyuen.blogspot.com about the possessive nature of boyfriends.
Different people have different perception as to what possessiveness is, and how far can possessiveness extend. These are what i consider as being possessive:
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend often accuse you of being unfaithful when he sees you talking with the opposite sex?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend disapprove and refrain you from making friends with the opposite sex (even if it's just a platonic relationship)?
- Is your boyfriend/girlfriend inclined to give u calls out of distrust and curiosity just to check your whereabouts or whom you are with?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend distrust you?
- Does you feel that you are losing your friends after you are together with your bf/gf because he/she demands that u spend all your time with him/her?
- Do you often reject invitations from friends just because you are 'afraid' your bf/gf will get angry?
- Does you bf/gf gets angry at you if an opposite sex is interested in you?
- Does your bf/gf specifies a certain curfew for you? (and makes sure you comply)?
- Does your bf/gf tells you whom to mix with and whom not to mix with?
- Does your bf/gf openly tells you that they disapprove of your existing friends and tells you to ditch your friends?
If you answer yes to any 5 of the questions, you might be having a possessive partner *congatulations* . Before i proceed, you must be aware that there is a fine line between being possessive and controlling.
Is having a possessive partner good or bad?
There is no straight answer to this question, as it is very subjective. It all depends on the other party. I have seen some girls that are happy in a possessive realtionship because they feel that by being possessive, they know that their boyfriends care, love, and can't stand to lose them at all cost. This will make the girls feel very much appreciated, and the feeling is as if the girls are being put on a pedestal. Girls also enjoy having such boyfriends because it will look good to their girlfrinds ( i think) cuz it will seem as if the boyfriend clings to her all the time at that's she's wanted! I also think that girls who needs to rely on someone will not find a problem having a possessive boyfriend.
However, possessiveness can surely bring an end to a realtionship. It can turn a good realtionship to a sour one. Arguments, jealousy, accussations, these are all unevitable parts of a possessive realtinship, however submissive the girlfriend is. Some people deals with possessive partners very well, and in time they can nurture their partners to be more trusting and liberal. It will take time, but the end results can be very satisfying. By the by, it all depends on your perceived extent of possessiveness and of course your degree of tolerance. I think that as long as you feel it is worth enduring such possessiveness (because you love the guy), then it is alright to go on with the relationship provided he treats you like a gentleman (regardless of being possessive).
Being in a possessive relationship with many arguments and disagreement can lead to abusive relationship. When he starts saying bad words to you, beating you up, threatening you and/or your loved ones, or even when he starts putting you down (keeping your self-esteem low, making you feel worthless), then you know that you are in an abusive relationship, emotionally, physically, or both emotionally and physically abusive relationship. In this case, I will suggest that you walk out on him as soon as you can. It's not worth being in a relationship that does not make you happy and not nourishing you with love.
Bottom line is, do what you think makes you the happiest.
